Of Love

Love it seems to me is a word that has been hugely corrupted, over-used, misused & over-rated. Let me explore the contexts; and see if we can make finer distinctions between the expressions of it.



"I love my parents and my parents love me".
To start with, our early notions of the emotion can only be that which is experienced through our parents / primary care giver in our lives. Sadly, at this stage we are more the recipient than the giver of the love, and so we naturally conclude that we are immensely lovable and have to do little else to be loved / appreciated.

At this stage what we probably experience as love in return is merely a deep sense of gratitude and a sort of relief that we have someone who can look after the complicated stuff for us.

"I love Idli Sambhar"
"I love Football"
"I love the Monsoon"

What we actually are saying is that we really like & enjoy something strongly, and derive a significant amount of satisfaction from that object, activity or event.

"I love You" [ As said in an amorous fashion ]

This is a tricky one.
Most often it is preceded by powerful attraction, but easily confused as intellectual or emotional attraction. Over the last 50 years, enough objective studies have shown us that it is primarily sexual attraction, though very few people would admit to it.

"I love You" [ As said by a couple to each other ]

Depending on what stage of the relationship has been reached it has subtle nuances.

Prior to marriage, what they mean : They enjoy spending time with each other and feel that there is a lot more to know about the other. There is the joy of discovery.

A few years into marriage, what they mean : They have now experienced each other; both in their wonderful aspects as well as their limitations and have now developed a sort of comfort in knowing that they are not really being judged but accepted as they are.

There is a strong sense of familiarity, and bonding through shared experiences. If children have been born, then there is also a sense of purpose for the couple as well as an aspirational quality about the future for them.

"I love You" [ As said by a parent to a child ]

What is meant here is : The parent has a very strong protective & nurturing instinct. In many aspects he / she delights in the child's antics and accomplishments as though they were their own. This by the way, is hard-wired in our brains to ensure offspring survival.

"I love You" [ As said by a child to a parent especially after having children of their own ]

What is meant here is : The child now having reached adulthood has a deeper appreciation of the whole parenting process and in many ways has experienced selfless love. Hence the expression when used back to the parents, carries with it a fuller understanding of the various facets of the emotion.

"God loves you"

Aside from the huge ontological arguments this presents, I think it would be safe to say that we really cannot know how far that statement is true.

Even then, assuming it is; what is probably meant is more likened to the way a parent loves a child. ( See above )

So, what if "true love" is really just a conspiracy being sold to us by advertisers, publishing houses, movie-makers, musicians [ who want to sell albums ] and greeting card companies ?

Popular culture portrays Love as this intense magical experience that cannot be found easily and has to be sincerely sought after for it to be true.

As for me, I've never experienced it in that way. How's it been for you ?